Not Alone
by Eringo94
Summary: Pepper helps Tony deal with a particularly vicious nightmare. Pepperony! First Fanfic


**Not Alone**

**Hello everyone! This is my first fan fiction, so I'm a little nervous (very nervous LOL). I have been a user of fan fiction for years though; I read so many wonderful stories. I thought maybe I could post something as well. Please, if you're willing, leave a review. Tell me if you like it hate it or whatever floats your boat. I don't mind hard criticism. The lyrics come from the song "Not Alone" by RED.**

**Disclaimer: Characters and song DO NOT belong to me. **

_Slowing fading away_

_You're lost and so afraid_

_Where is the hope in a world so cold?_

Pepper is sleeping peacefully when she hears a whimper coming from the person besides her. She lies awake and looks at the alarm clock. It reads 3:12 in the morning. She signs in resignation and realizes that she will not be getting anymore sleep tonight. Her partner, Tony Stark lets out another whimper, this one coming out more pronounced. Pepper moves to sit up and leans across the bed to view her lover's face. Basked in the moons light, she is able to see a sheet of sweat covering his face. The sheets are twisted at the foot of the bed; he must have kicked them away at some point. His knuckles are white from grasping his pillow too tightly.

Pepper watches miserably as the man she loves succumbs to nightmares once again. Ever since the Avengers fended Manhattan against an alien invasion (aliens? Pepper still can't grasp the idea), Tony couldn't seem to get one or two hours of sleep. Not that Tony gets that much sleep to begin with- not when his mind has him going on some idea or another. Most of the time he was tinkering away at his suits. This is different, however. Even before Manhattan, Tony managed to get at least five hours of sleep. Well, at least when she was there to drag him into bed. Now though, Tony has nightmares almost every night keeping him awake at insane hours. The nightmares are enough to keep him away from their bedroom completely. If he wasn't sleeping with her, he was working.

Pepper is dragged away from her thoughts when she hears Tony give a breathless gasp. She sees now that his whole form is trembling, his clothes sleek with sweat. He moans suddenly, shaking his head frantically.

"No s-stop… N-no, Please…" He begins to moan quietly in his pillow.

At this point, Pepper has had enough. Her heart can't bear to see her _strong_ Tony in this state. She wishes she could protect him from the demons of his mind. She wishes that the battle in Manhattan never took place. A surge of fury and hatred course through her when she thinks of Loki, the god who started this mess. She hates what he has done to Tony, what he made him _do. _He almost took her beloved away, an unforgivable act.

When Tony gives a startling sob, Pepper moves quickly to his side. As gently as she could, she places a hand on Tony's shoulders. It immediately tenses at the touch.

"Tony. Honey wake up. You're having another nightmare. It's okay. You're safe. Wake up."

Tony's breathing turns into frantic gasps for breath and Pepper quickly realizes that he is beginning to hyperventilate. Pepper grasps his shoulders with both hands and desperately tries to drag his mind from the terrors that plague him relentlessly.

"Tony, you have to wake up. You're not in the portal. You're in bed with me. Damn it Tony! Wake up!" On the verge of tears herself, Pepper gives Tony one last shake before a fist comes crashing into her face.

Tony jerks awake at Peppers suddenly outburst of pain. His heart is beating fast, as if it is about to burst out of his chest. He feels clammy with sweat. He takes in his surroundings and comes to the quick and _relieving_ realization that he is _not_ in his suit, defending Manhattan against Reindeer Games and his army of "shits." He is _not_ going on a one way trip to another dimension with a freaking nuke on his shoulders. He is _not_ going to die. Rather, he is lying in his bed with the sheets tangled at his feet.

Pepper's moan of pain pulls Tony from his racing thoughts. His heart sinks when he sees her grasping her quickly swelling left eye. This confuses Tony. Who the fuck hurt her? Foolishly, he looks around the room for an intruder. When he sees that the bedroom is vacant of anybody who shouldn't be there, he comes to the terrorizing realization that _he_ is the one that hurt her.

He. Hurt. Pepper. Tony feels as if the floor has collapsed underneath him.

"Oh my god, Pepper. I'm so fucking sorry! I don't know what the hell came over me! I-I-I, shit Pepper I'm so sorry. I didn't m-mean to h-hurt you."

Tony feels the guilt over what he has done consume him. Sure, he has fucking nightmares. Who wouldn't after what he went through? Tony would like to see someone else fly a nuke into a portal, with no hope of returning home, and come back happy dandy. So yeah, he has nightmares. Pepper often feels the brunt of them, as they usually wake her up as well. She's holds up pretty well, considering. He feels awful about waking her up (to manage a multi-billion making company, sleep is sort of required). Pepper, as always, smiles and comforts him and doesn't say anything about the loss of sleep. She truly is something. This is the last straw, however. He hurt her. He physically harmed _Pepper. _He can't even sleep next to the woman he loves without hurting her. What kind of fucking man is he?

**Not a good one, obviously. A fucked up one.**

"Tony its okay. I'm fine, really. It was an accident. It was my fault anyway. I shouldn't have startled you. Honestly, Tony." Pepper tries to plead with Tony.

Tony shakes his head. Her fault? No fucking way. It's all his fault. He hit her. A freaking nightmare is not an excuse. He could see the pain in her eyes. She is attempting to hide it for his sake. Holy shit, he literally left a dent in his girlfriends face. He sees the puffed up skin surrounding her left eye and cringes. He knows that once the swelling goes down, a nasty black and blue will cover a good portion of her face. Tony reaches for Pepper, wanting to examine the damage done, but quickly recoils his hand, suddenly and irrationally afraid that he will hurt her again.

Tony runs his hand through his sweaty hair instead and lets out a shaky breath. He could still see the nightmare in the corners of his eyes. It was the worst one he has had to date. It sure as hell didn't feel like a dream.

He envisions Manhattan in ruins; crumbling under Loki's wrath. Loki's army, the Chitauri, wreak havoc on the city he loves. Its chaos. Men, women and children are running for their lives. Men, women and children are _dying_. He dreams of that damn nuke the council (stupidly) sends. He remembers how it feels, metal against metal, as he flies it up to the portal. He buckles under the weight of it. It grates his shoulders. **He's about to die** he realizes. It weighs heavily on his mind. He will never again hold Pepper in his arms. Never again will he tell her he _loves her. _Never again will he feel her lips pressed against his. Pepper, Pepper, Pepper. He thinks of her. He's sorry. So so Sorry. Tony is through the portal; his last call to Pepper fails (**please pick up Pepper, I just want to tell you that I love you so fucking much and I'm so sorry I can't come home)**. He is weightless now. His suit is powering down-it cannot function in space. He lets out one last breath, ready to let death take him wherever the fuck it wants. He closes his eyes and sees Pepper behind his eyelids.

Then he is falling. Falling, falling, falling.

He's dead. Or so he thinks. He is screaming. He screams until he feels heart's ready to burst, and then screams some more. Quite suddenly, he hears another voice. It's calling him. It's distant at first. He thinks he envisions it. Gradually, however, it gets stronger. It gets stronger and stronger and stronger, until it is overpowering his screams.

"TONY! Can you hear me?! Please Tony, look at me. Come back to me honey. It's me, Pepper!"

With an impromptu gasp, Tony comes back to reality and focuses on Pepper's distorted voice. He realizes, yet again, that he is dreaming. His face flushes with mortification. He looks at Peppers tear stained face and he realizes that he is scaring her. He looks at the bruise he fucking put on her and shame floods his body. He turns around and does what he does best.

He runs away.

_And everything's gone, but the pain carries on_

_Lost in the rain again, when will it ever end?_

_The arms of relief seem so out of reach_

Pepper watches as Tony all but flees the room in shock. Her grief over this entire situation is too much to bear and she collapses on the bed. She puts her hands to her face and sobs freely. Weeks of suppressed exhaustion, frustration, fear and worry come to the surface as sobs wrack her small body. Her heart is breaking. She hurts for Tony. Her lover is breaking under the pressure of these nightmares and she can't do a damn thing except ride out the aftermath with him. She continues to sob, tears leaving a line of wetness on her cheeks. Her nose feels stuffed. Both of her eyes are red and puffy (one much more than the other). She gets up stiffly and walks to bathroom.

Pepper opens the lights and heads straight to the sink. She tenderly sprays water on her face, careful to avoid touching her bruised eye. She looks up at the mirror and gasps at how terrible she looks. There are dark circles under her eyes, a testament of how little sleep she has gotten over the last couple of weeks. She is pale and her face is gaunt. These nights have been taxing on her body, to say the least. She looks outright terrible. She sighs inwardly and touches her bruised eye. She quickly recoils her hand as the pain intensifies. She decides to take an advil for it and releases a long breath. No wonder Tony fled- she could see the guilt in his eyes. This is going to haunt him. He isn't going to let it go.

Pepper touches her face again and sighs. She can't go out in public like this. People will suspect domestic abuse, and Tony's reputation will go down the drain. Pepper refuses to let this happen. She will not have _anyone_ get the impression that Tony hurt her on purpose. She decides that for the next couple of days she will work from home instead of going to SI. After the bruising diminishes a bit, she will do her makeup so that it doesn't show. Simple as that.

"JARVIS?" Pepper inquires softly

"Yes Mrs. Potts?" The AI responds, as always.

"Where is Tony?"

"Sir is in his lab" JARVIS responds gently.

"What is he doing?

"Sir is working on the Mark 45. He seems to be very distressed."

Pepper nods and thanks the AI. She knows full well that Tony is beating himself up over his actions. Pepper can't let this happen; she refuses. She leaves the bathroom and resolutely makes her way to the lab, where she knows Tony is hiding.

Pepper finds Tony hunched over his work. He is tinkering away, as always. She stands at the doorway, suddenly unsure of how to proceed. From this view, Pepper can see how utterly _exhausted_ Tony is. If he knows she is there, he is doing a fine job of ignoring her. Tony continues to work on his suit, his eyes locked in concentration. His skilled hands know exactly what they are doing, working deftly to achieve whatever his goal he has.

She walks in and walks slowly to stand right behind Tony. A small intake of breath comes from him. Slowly, ever so slowly, she puts a hand on his shoulder. He tenses. Pepper realizes, suddenly, that his hands are not as steady as she thought. They shake in trepidation. Unable to stand it any longer, she grasps both his shoulders and turns him around to face her. He doesn't even put up a fight; he stubbornly glares at the floor. She picks up his face in her hands. She realizes that he is crying; his eyes glisten with tears. Keeping eye contact with him, Pepper takes his hands in her own. She leans in and plants a kiss on each palm. She turns them around and kisses the upper side as well. Tony's eyes are wide with shock. She can see the astonishment in his eyes. There's hesitation there as well. She plans to rectify this. She brings him to her and envelopes him in the tightest embrace she can manage.

Pepper tries to convey all her love, understanding, affection, and_ forgiveness_ into the hug. She wants and _needs_ Tony to understand that she does not blame him -that there isn't anything to forgive, really. She **loves him.** She will **protect **him; even if she has to wake up every night to ward off nightmares. She will never leave him. He is **not alone**. He will never be again.

Tony is tense at first, unsure of how he should react. I mean, holy shit, he _fucking hit her! Why is she hugging him?! _If anything, she should slap him, punch him or kick him and leave his sorry ass. Heck, he would leave if he were her! Tony starts to move away, but Pepper hugs him tighter, holding him to her (Damn, when did she get so strong?). Tony can't help but succumb to her touch. All the tension leaves his body as he wraps his arms around her, grasping her for dear life. He buries his face in her hair, taking in her tantalizing smell. He loves everything about this woman. She is an angel. He doesn't deserve her; he knows that but damn it if he isn't selfish. He loves this woman to death. He will die a thousand deaths to keep her safe. She is too good for him. He knows this. One day she will realize this too. For all his faults (and damn there are a lot of them), she will leave his ass and find someone who actually deserves her. But for now, Tony hugs her tightly to him and doesn't let go.

Eventually Tony lets up a little and takes her face in his hands to examine her face. Pepper looks up at him lovingly and strokes his face. He gently places little wet kisses all over her face. Pepper giggles loudly. He smiles and kisses her full on the lips, trying to convey how deeply fucking _sorry_ he is. Pepper takes it in stride and kisses him back, just as tenderly. When the need for air becomes dire, Pepper breaks the kiss and puts her forehead to his. She closes her eyes in contentment. They both breathe each other in and bask in one another's presence.

"Pepper, I re-"

"Tony, don't ruin the moment."

Tony looks at Pepper and sees that she is smiling and her eyes are sparkling with joy. He grins sheepishly. Her smile widens and she leans up to get another kiss. Tony is only too happy to be of service.

_I am with you_

_I will carry you through it all_

_I won't leave you. _

_I will catch you when you feel like letting go_

'_Cause you're not, you're not alone._


End file.
